Sunday, December 14, 2008

Am I At The End??

Alone...afraid...confused...hopeless...lost. Like traveling down an unknown path. No one you know...roads you've never seen...dead ends at every corner. No map...no phone...no sign of relief. Reflief of all the pain you have been feeling. A new start...people tell you...it's what you need. A new start...you find...is the thing that got you where you are. Leaving your life behind felt good to begin with. Leaving those who judge...those who don't accept...those who don't accept. Those who want for themselves and give nothing of theirselves. Stepping out on the limb seemed adventerous...not you. Seemed like the best thing to do. Stepping out on that limb got you in a place you cannot walk alone. No one out here understands you. You put on a mask to hide yourself. You keep your feelings in and fake happiness to fit in. The more you fake it...the more the pain kills you on the inside. You push forward to prove that you are more than people believe you to be. You seek happiness in therapy, meds, sleep, and work. Things to keep your mind working on the outside so that the things on the inside don't have the chance to move. But the more you move things on the outside the more the things on the inside build up. Move on they said...a new start they convinced...You did...things remained the same. Empty...alone...hopeless...confused...afraid...lost. Maybe you have reached your dead end. Nothing has worked...you've gone no where...every cross you see makes you wish it was yours. You question yourself if there could be more...as you've wondered all your life. If there is something out there worth while...or is this the end??? Will that cross be yours next??? Or do you still have something to live for???

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if this is how you feel currently or at some point in the past. Quite a striking image you created. I thank Jesus for climbing on that tree that I would never have to!! Yet, we are all left with some cross to bare; illness, hardship, besetting sin, etc. And all too often we create crosses to bare; not forgiving ourselves, passions that drive us like jobs, or addictions.

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